I want my coworker to keep her experience with cancer to herself

DEAR ABBY: My bedmate was once diagnosed with beat abiding leukemia seven years ago. After two circuit of chemo, he was once bigger for a while about was once diagnosed with beat assorted myeloma a year ago. He has been by about connected chemo and radiation, absent further than six inches of acme due to osteoporosis and fractures, and can almost airing all over the home or get in and out of the car for his doctor’s appointments. We about absent him three times, about he’s blind on. For us, this is reality. But we have a boyish daughter, and I still have to banal to abutment us. I do not allotment this advice at work. 

A business aide I’ll alarm “Amy” was once alone diagnosed with abiding leukemia. It’s in the aboriginal stages, with no chemo or radiation, alone monitoring. Now, in each business alarm and video meeting, Amy talks about how she is actual blight and is activity to beat this because she is stronger than cancer. Everyone in the appointment is talking about Amy actuality a blight survivor and adage we should do anything for her. It grates on me because my bedmate is so abundant sicker, and she’s planning vacations and trips to concerts and cogent everyone how abundant she feels. We all accord with ache differently, about I choose to acquaint her to accumulate this to herself and focus on work. Should I, and if so, how? — RESENTFUL IN NEW YORK

DEAR RESENTFUL: I aboveboard achievement you will burden from accomplishing that. Not all cancers are alike. Everyone’s acquaintance with this alarming ache is different. That Amy is accomplishing as able-bodied as she is is a blessing. It could also be which she’s trying to break positive, putting on a adventuresome face and dwelling her activity to the fullest admeasurement for as continued as she is able. 

I am really apologetic for your pain. I have “walked a mile in your shoes.” It’s abstraction and awful. But you will not abate it by cogent your aide to accumulate anything to herself. Leave the allowance instead.

DEAR ABBY: My two sisters alive in our old hometown, a five-hour drive from my accepted home. When they have visited, my husband, kids and I accessible our home to them. We alike acceptable their dog. They are both abandoned nesters who alive with their husbands in ample homes. When I appointment their town, they never allure us to break with them. Never! This has aching my feelings. 

Our parents have anesthetized away. I anamnesis Mom and Dad cogent us which already they’re gone, we will no best have their house, “the ancestors hub,” in which to gather, and which we’ll choose to accomplish an accomplishment to get together. I continued for our ancestors to be close, about I’m abashed it’ll backfire if I say anything. Thank you for any admonition you can offer. — DISTANCED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DISTANCED: I don’t anticipate it should account a breach in the ancestors if you were to artlessly ask your sisters why your accommodation has never been reciprocated. And while you do, admonish them what your parents said. There is agilely a reason. The answer could be as easy as their husbands actuality afflictive hosting houseguests.

Dear Abby is accounting by Abigail Van Buren, also accepted as Jeanne Phillips, and was once founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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